Northern Ireland and the European Parliament elections are straitjackets on Brexit

By George ILIEV
Brexit Metaphor No 158 

Boris Johnson once said that the EU had put a suicide vest on Britain and was holding the detonator. This is definitely not the case but his metaphor got quite some traction in the media.

Ironically, the UK itself has put two straightjackets on the Brexit process: one geographical, one temporal.

1. The status of Northern Ireland and the border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland are the geographical straitjacket on Brexit. It pretty much ties Britain into some form of Customs Union with the EU and attaches Northern Ireland to the regulatory regime of the EU Single Market (except in a no-deal Brexit).

2. The European Parliament elections on May 23-26 are the time-limiting straitjacket on Brexit: the date of Brexit could have been postponed multiple times if there were no EP elections coming up in May. The EU maintains that every state has to hold elections for MEPs, which would be anathema to Brexiting Britain. Hence May 22 becomes the natural cutoff date for Brexit to take place.

This does not leave Britain too many options for Brexit: the country can either turn into a political and economic "couch potato" (an inactive participant) with a no-deal Brexit; or it can vote through Theresa May's Withdrawal Agreement and be a "straitjacket potato".

Straitjacket (Source: Wikipedia)

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Notes:
1. Timeline: This article is part of a series of original #BrexitMetaphors published daily. A total of 158 have been posted so far and three more Brexit Metaphors will be published until the originally planned Brexit date of March 29, 2019.
2. Disclosure: The author has a master's degree in European Integration. He also thinks he knows a bit about business, economics, entrepreneurship, China, history, geography, nature, science and Rubik Cubes.
3. Invitation: If you'd like to contribute to the debate, please leave a comment below or re-tweet the blogpost link.
4. Sign-up: I would be thrilled if you signed up to receive my blog daily by entering your email address in the blank in the top right-hand corner of this page.
5. Thank you for being here!

If Brexit is delayed, it will start resembling a sausage

By George ILIEV
Brexit Metaphor No 139 

"Everything has an end. Only the sausage has two ends."

This German saying is about to become a Brexit joke as well if Brexit is delayed by the March 12-14 Parliament votes. If the original March 29 Brexit date is pushed back by two months to around the time of the European Parliament elections in May 2019, Brexit will start resembling a two-month-long sausage from one end to the other (never mind the beginning).

And if Brexit is delayed again beyond that (provided a constitutional solution can be found how Britain can send unelected delegates to the European Parliament in the interim), it may acquire a third end and start resembling a samosa.

Sausage or samosa, we won't be starving - especially those of us who have already made three weekend trips to the supermarket to stockpile food.

And if the sausage is rolled up one end into the other like the one on the photo, Brexit might be avoided altogether. No voodoo or shamanism necessary: just roll up any sausages you can get hold of and pray for the best. It might have a more predictable effect than what chaotic British politics can currently deliver.

Sausage with two ends (Source: Wikipedia)

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Notes:
1. Timeline: This article is part of a series of original #BrexitMetaphors published daily. A total of 139 have been posted so far and another 22 Brexit Metaphors will be published every day until the planned Brexit date of March 29, 2019.
2. Disclosure: The author has a master's degree in European Integration. He also thinks he knows a bit about business, economics, entrepreneurship, China, history, geography, nature, science and Rubik Cubes.
3. Invitation: If you'd like to contribute to the debate, please leave a comment below or re-tweet the blogpost link.
4. Sign-up: I would be thrilled if you signed up to receive my blog daily by entering your email address in the blank in the top right-hand corner of this page.
5. Thank you for being here!

The gifts of the Brexit Magi: Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson, Jacob Rees-Mogg

By George ILIEV
Brexit Metaphor No 66

Three wise men brought gifts for Brexit. 

1. Nigel Farage brought democracy, for he learned democracy at the European Parliament which gave him a platform in 1999. He has been serving democracy as an MEP in the European Parliament ever since.

2. Boris Johnson brought the prospect of free trade deals, the promise of 350 million pounds a week, and some cake. He thought he could do with cake what Jesus did with the five loaves of bread and the two fish. Sadly, the cake only lasted as long as no one had eaten it. Boris was tired and hungry on the way, so he ate the cake.

3. Jacob Rees-Mogg brought the 18th century, for he was "the honourable member for the 18th century." 

The British people were all delighted.

The three wise men (Source: Wikipedia)

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Notes:
1. Timeline: This article is part of a series of original #BrexitMetaphors published daily. A total of 66 have been posted so far and another 95 Brexit Metaphors will be published every day until the planned Brexit date of March 29, 2019.
2. Disclosure: The author has a master's degree in European Integration. He also thinks he knows a bit about business, economics, entrepreneurship, China, history, geography, science and Rubik Cubes.
3. Invitation: If you'd like to contribute to the debate, please leave a comment below or re-tweet the blogpost link.
4. Sign-up: I would be thrilled if you signed up to receive my blog daily by entering your email address in the blank in the top right-hand corner of this page.
5. Thank you for being here!

How did the Brexiteer seagulls become Hitchcock's "Birds"

By George ILIEV
Brexit Metaphor No 21

What happens when you ignore the sign "Don't feed the seagulls" and start feeding them? They become vicious and start attacking people. This is exactly what has been going on with the Brexiteers in the last decade.

David Cameron was the person who fed the seagulls (the Brexiteers) on three major occasions:
1. He withdrew his Conservative Party from the European People's Party in the European Parliament in 2009 and thus lost power at EU level.
2. He promised to run a referendum on EU membership if he got re-elected in 2015. He didn't think he would win the UK elections but miraculously won.
3. He scheduled the referendum in June 2016 (in the aftermath of the 2015 Syrian migration crisis), when he needn't have done it until at least 2017.

We have all seen the outcome: the seagulls have become "The Birds" from Alfred Hitchcock's horror movie: vicious and aggressive. What can future generations of British politicians learn from this? Whatever you do, do not feed the seagulls.

"Don't feed the seagulls" warning, Whitby (UK), Nov 9, 2018

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Notes:
1. This article is part of a daily series, with 140 more Brexit Metaphors to follow until Brexit day, March 29, 2019.
2. Disclosure: the author has a master's degree in European Integration.
3. If you'd like to contribute to the debate, please leave a message below.